Monday, June 12, 2006

"You Know What I Want Or Maybe You Don't"

What I Would Do If I Were Rich

by ICandee

1. I would create a video game where one of the bosses would be a prepubescent trash talking gamer. Everytime you shot at him, he would split off and multiply into 2 or 3 incarnations that would shout obscenities and slurs. After defeating him, you would be rewarded with the "Smack Talk" power up with would enable your character to upgrade to a "Smack Talk Fog" which when shot at an enemy would cause them to become offended and leave the level you're currently in.

2. I would create a television station specifically for gamers, by gamers that would only show actual gaming related programs. It would be designed to appeal to all types of gamers, including televised tournaments, interviews with industry members and game reviews for all game platforms and genres. It would not include The Man Show, Fastlane or Star Trek 2.0 and late night programming would not be called "Midnight Spank".

3. I would buy better dog food so my dog wouldn't jump on my bed while I'm sleeping and throw up all over me.

4. I would buy a PSP so that I would have the right to complain about the lack of a second analog stick, nitpick about the games and watch movies.

5. I would open up a retro/vintage clothing store called "Reservoir Togs".

6. I would pay Uwe Boll to stop making movies out of video games.

7. I would buy the 4GB hard drive for the DS Lite so that I would have the option of doing all sorts of cool stuff I would never end up doing..

8. I would buy a DS Lite.

9. I would buy all Oblivion players the Horse Armor from the Marketplace so they would quit whining about paying too much for it.

10. I would pay all the women that pose nude with game controllers in strategic places to quit posing for said pictures. Or at least teach them what the phrase "too much make-up" means. I would also pay boys to cease saying "I'd hit that".

And because this list goes to 11:

I would pay Double Fine to make Psychonauts 2.

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