Wizard Needs To Pee...Badly...

Going into this week's Ultimate Gamer, I was skeptical. After Ciji's elimination last week, we were down to 6 gamers and then we find out that this week 4 gamers were getting the dreaded "GAME OVER" and the finale was upon us the next week where we would finally get our "ultimate" gamer. Come on, 4 gamers in one episode??? O-kay...But I must say that I was pleasantly surprised by this episode. Gone were the "real life" challenges and in their place was pure gaming...in a sense...

Thus begins...The Gauntlet...dun dun DUN! My first thought was, "Wizard needs food, badly..." My second thought was, this better be good especially with SciFi and their ad for the show within the show telling me to "stay tuned". So Jimmy Fallon shows up at the Loft to inform our competitors that they will be playing previous games in The Gauntlet (dun dun DUN!) and 4 of them will get the boot. Also they will play these games *cue dramatic music* as they never have played them before! *gasp* But before all that happens, they have to play Asphalt 4 on Samsung cell phones...Fascinating.

Jamal wins and humbly says, "I was a shoo-in to win this cause they know that I'm the best all around gamer that there is in the world." Wow, really? In the whole wide world? That's impressive, nerf herder. Anyway, they all get carted to an abandoned warehouse where the first leg is either my dream fulfilled "Footloose" dance off or they have to steal a chip a la "Prison Break". By the way, where are all of these "abandoned" warehouses? Wherever that city is must have a hell of a rat problem.

We get a box in the corner of the screen telling us that it's 9:30 in the morning and 38 degrees. I can only assume (and fervently pray) that this actually means it is and amounts to useful information. First game up in Gauntlet Room #1 (they actually titled the rooms): PGR4. Last place from this leg of The Gauntlet (dun dun DUN!) gets the boot and everyone else moves on to the next round. But just as Jimmy Fallon said earlier, they're going to play PGR4 *cue dramatic music* as they never have played it before! *gasp* In this case it means they're strapped to a chair and have to play the game with the screen upside down.

Best quote from PGR4 round goes to Amy. When she realized they were moving her chair, she exclaimed in startled tone of voice, "I have to pee, dude!" However, the best part of this leg has to be when they hit that first turn and being upside down must have done it's work because they all crashed into each other and it was a total pile up. First place goes to Jamal whose prize is the ability to impair a competitor in the next round. Last place and first to get a boot to the butt is Chelsea. Fortunately, they decide to send her off with a montage of clips showing her being cute, blowing kisses and dancing in her little black dress. Between Amy's inverted bladder and Chelsea's primping I have no idea why more girls aren't gamers because add gaming with the duties of being a girl...awesome!

So our merry little crew heads off to abandoned warehouse room #2 where the game is Rock Band 2. Ultimate Gamer Clock: 2:30 PM. They will be playing guitar on "Eye of the Tiger" taking it "a little old school" as Jimmy Fallon put it. Thing is, they won't be playing just guitar. They will also be playing drums with their feet. This truly is...The Gauntlet (dun dun DUN!). They get to practice the song twice but since Jamal won the first challenge, he can pick any player to practice only once. He picks Mark, they all play, it's hard to play both, blah blah blah. Swoozie comes in first place and Amy is in last. So bye bye Amy thus rendering my earlier prediction that she would be in the top 4 false. Thanks for nothing! My fingers were crossed for a chick make it further but Amy did put up a good showing...ah well...

So now it's on to Abandoned Warehouse Room #3 and the game is Halo 3. It's a free for all and knowing how us gamers have no lives outside of the console, they make it a marathon meaning these guys gotta play Halo all night long. (All night long. All night. All night. All night long. Ooh yeah, all night.) Not only that but they have to remain standing the entire time on pedestals. They can take breaks whenever they want but their Spartan will spawn with or without them, offering free kills to everyone else. Since Swoozie won the last round, he gets a 5 minute advantage and can shoot, punch and teabag to his heart's content while the other guys have to sit by and watch it happen. The other 3 join in and it's on. So they get to midnight and Karen from The Office brings pizza and cookies. Swoozie takes advantage of the break and the others take advantage of his body...in game, of course.

2:00AM brings Karen from The Office holding a rope. I assume there's naked girls on the end of the rope to tempt our all male contestants further but instead it's a safe with $1,000, first one there gets it. Jamal takes the chance of losing kills and runs after the safe. Mark also makes a run but it turns out that he just needed a pee pee break.

Here's my question: why haven't they been playing the games like this all along? This episode was much more interesting than previous ones with the "Real Life" challenges...

All told, they play Halo 3 for 9 hours. Pretty impressive actually and quite entertaining to watch. In first place: Rob which was not a surprise to me in the least. So Rob is off to the finale, blinding contacts and all. As for last place and the next gamer to fall victim to The Gaunlet (dun dun DUN!)??? SWOOZIE! What the what?!?! Come on now, this has to be a joke! Stupid pizza break...

So now we're down to, as Dante would put it, Jughead and Floppy Farm Boy. (*sigh* I miss Dante's nicknames so much...) But they can't both stay so Jimmy Fallon and Karen from The Office tell them that the person going to the finale with Rob...will be none other than...

....

To Be Continued...

"Boom, roasted!"