Game Over! (Now With More Sock Puppets!)

Okay, here we go! This is it! The finale of WCG Ultimate Gamer was last night and it had everything! Excitement! *gasp* Tears! *gasp* Suspense! *finally*

I'm going to keep the blah blah blah as short as possible. Jamal gets the boot so it's Rob and Mark in the finals. I am all about Rob winning. I think he's been one of the most well rounded gamers on the show and more importantly, he's not a complete smarmy teabagging trash talking douche (at least not in this episode).

Soooooo...

Once Jamal gets kicks to the proverbial curb, Mark and Rob have a quick make out session ("You're the best!" No, you're the best!" "No you!" "You hang up first!" "No you!") and we move on to bigger and better things. Actually, we get back to the loft where they have some sort of sad sock puppet reunion. (Again I ask, where did they get the supplies to make sock puppets?!?!)

They take some sort of field trip because we see them come into the loft again and who is there but Rob's mother and Mark's girlfriend! Mark tells us, "I needed her there to encourage me...and keep me from kissing other girls in lavatories..." Okay, he didn't say that last part. A sweet moment is seen between Rob and his mother and I was touched that...wait a minute...

"Psst hey you! Move to your left! They're having a moment and you're in the shot!"

Apparently ever since the girls left, there's no food to be eaten so they bring in some fancy pants chef to make them all breakfast. After breakfast we have more sappy sentiments, crying, blah blah blah, Mark says, "No one thinks I'm going to win". (he can read my mind! I'm scared!) He kisses his girlfriend good-bye (what, no bathroom?) (Okay, that was my last one, promise!) and off we go to the rooftop to either wrap this thing up or jump off, one or the other. But not before we get a tender scene of the guys showing their ladies the sock puppets. (Seriously! How, where and why were they supplied with sock puppet parts?!?!?)

Jimmy Fallon and Karen from The Office are there to tell them that they will play 3 games in the finale, each one assigned points, most points win. The games are: Soul Calibur IV (yes!), Gears of War 2 (yes!) and Shaun White Snowboarding (zzzzzzz!). They won't know in what order they'll be played or how many points are assigned to which game. Out of nowhere, all of the past contestants show up, Dante takes the easy road and congratulates the finalists, Jamal continues to trash talk (shut up shut up shut up!) by saying "I'm the only one who could beat Rob". Uh, he means like he "beat" him at Halo 3 a few hours ago? Wait...does he know what "beat" means? He knows it means "win" not "lose", right?

Moving on...far away hopefully, Karen from The Office asks Swoozie what it's like to be a big loser (I've never understood why hosts ask questions like this) and we get treated to yet another Mark vs. Ciji sticks and stones throw down, this time it's mercifully short and we find out that each guy can choose one loser to "help" him practice the final games. Rob picks Swoozie and Mark picks Jamal (who are perfect for each other in my opinion, that's who Mark should've taken in the bathroom with him).

Now on to the finale! Finally!!!

One last kiss ("You're the best!" "No you!") between Rob and Mark and we're off! First game worth one point, Shaun White Snowboarding! So they have to do tricks down a zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz whatever, Mark wins this one so Mark-1, Rob-0.

Next game worth two points, Gears of War 2. Long story short, Rob wins so now it's Mark-1, Rob-2. So now it all comes down to the last game worth 3 points...

Soul Calibur IV

Here is where it gets good. Let me stop for a second here to say that I don't watch sports games (anymore at least). I'm not interested in the Super Bowl (nor the commercials), I don't watch the playoffs or World Series. There's nothing wrong with getting into watching that stuff, it's just not me. What is me is watching other people play video games. That's my "sports watching". And this final game between Mark and Rob in Soul Calibur had me up off the couch, yelling at the TV and is what led to my use of "mother f%$#%" in front of ICandee JR (Mommy's sorry sweetie!).

It was intense. Rob wins the first 4 rounds! All he has to do is win one more round and he wins the whole thing...did you hear me??? The WHOLE thing! Instead...Rob loses the NEXT 5 ROUNDS to MARK and MARK becomes the "Ultimate Gamer"?!?!?! What the what?!?!?!!

Wow...

It was almost exactly like this match in the Championship Gaming Series where this guy on Carolina Core comes back to win 4 (I think it was) DOA4 rounds in a row only to lose in the next round. That, to me, is what competitive gaming should be, none of these uneven, boring, predictable matches we saw in the beginning of Ultimate Gamer's season. But take heart oh dearest Rob...historically, it's the ones that don't win reality shows that get the fame. Heck, even The Bachelor went back to the original loser so there's hope after all!

In conclusion, I enjoyed watching this show immensely. I will watch again if there is a second season and I will be blogging about it for my faithful (2) readers here at ICandee, You Game. My final prediction is this: watch out Jimmy Fallon and Karen from The Office! Only one of you will be coming back for the second season, the other will hear their very own *cue dramatic music*...

GAME OVER!

I Said A Naughty Word In Front Of ICandee Jr

I can't even begin to blog about the finale of Ultimate Gamer right now so here's a quick haiku to tide you over...see if you can guess my final thoughts through the majesty of beautiful Japanese Americanized poetry and I'll be back when I can think straight:

*clearing throat* Ahem...

"No no no no no
No no no no no no no
No no no no no"

Oh Yes It Was Ladies Night

Last night I had some girlfriends over for a girl's night and it proved two things:

1. I have great friends

and 2. I am totally awesome on Rock Band drums. Since RuFfNeCk has the instruments in his game room, we moved in there and made him our Monkey Butler Game Runner. I've been able to play Rock Band exactly once since ICandee Jr got here so last night was a great time for me indeed.

Today we're stalking Best Buy to try and score some of their $10 game sale games and then hopefully I'll be able to start playing a little Call of Duty 4 (yeah, yeah, I'm behind I know...). :P

UPDATE: Score! We got ahead of the unwashed masses and acquired these games for a total of 60 bucks:

Pure
Unreal Tournament III
Infinite Undiscovery
Enemy Territory: Quake Wars (2 copies because I don't share)
Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3

Wizard Needs To Pee...Badly...

Going into this week's Ultimate Gamer, I was skeptical. After Ciji's elimination last week, we were down to 6 gamers and then we find out that this week 4 gamers were getting the dreaded "GAME OVER" and the finale was upon us the next week where we would finally get our "ultimate" gamer. Come on, 4 gamers in one episode??? O-kay...But I must say that I was pleasantly surprised by this episode. Gone were the "real life" challenges and in their place was pure gaming...in a sense...

Thus begins...The Gauntlet...dun dun DUN! My first thought was, "Wizard needs food, badly..." My second thought was, this better be good especially with SciFi and their ad for the show within the show telling me to "stay tuned". So Jimmy Fallon shows up at the Loft to inform our competitors that they will be playing previous games in The Gauntlet (dun dun DUN!) and 4 of them will get the boot. Also they will play these games *cue dramatic music* as they never have played them before! *gasp* But before all that happens, they have to play Asphalt 4 on Samsung cell phones...Fascinating.

Jamal wins and humbly says, "I was a shoo-in to win this cause they know that I'm the best all around gamer that there is in the world." Wow, really? In the whole wide world? That's impressive, nerf herder. Anyway, they all get carted to an abandoned warehouse where the first leg is either my dream fulfilled "Footloose" dance off or they have to steal a chip a la "Prison Break". By the way, where are all of these "abandoned" warehouses? Wherever that city is must have a hell of a rat problem.

We get a box in the corner of the screen telling us that it's 9:30 in the morning and 38 degrees. I can only assume (and fervently pray) that this actually means it is and amounts to useful information. First game up in Gauntlet Room #1 (they actually titled the rooms): PGR4. Last place from this leg of The Gauntlet (dun dun DUN!) gets the boot and everyone else moves on to the next round. But just as Jimmy Fallon said earlier, they're going to play PGR4 *cue dramatic music* as they never have played it before! *gasp* In this case it means they're strapped to a chair and have to play the game with the screen upside down.

Best quote from PGR4 round goes to Amy. When she realized they were moving her chair, she exclaimed in startled tone of voice, "I have to pee, dude!" However, the best part of this leg has to be when they hit that first turn and being upside down must have done it's work because they all crashed into each other and it was a total pile up. First place goes to Jamal whose prize is the ability to impair a competitor in the next round. Last place and first to get a boot to the butt is Chelsea. Fortunately, they decide to send her off with a montage of clips showing her being cute, blowing kisses and dancing in her little black dress. Between Amy's inverted bladder and Chelsea's primping I have no idea why more girls aren't gamers because add gaming with the duties of being a girl...awesome!

So our merry little crew heads off to abandoned warehouse room #2 where the game is Rock Band 2. Ultimate Gamer Clock: 2:30 PM. They will be playing guitar on "Eye of the Tiger" taking it "a little old school" as Jimmy Fallon put it. Thing is, they won't be playing just guitar. They will also be playing drums with their feet. This truly is...The Gauntlet (dun dun DUN!). They get to practice the song twice but since Jamal won the first challenge, he can pick any player to practice only once. He picks Mark, they all play, it's hard to play both, blah blah blah. Swoozie comes in first place and Amy is in last. So bye bye Amy thus rendering my earlier prediction that she would be in the top 4 false. Thanks for nothing! My fingers were crossed for a chick make it further but Amy did put up a good showing...ah well...

So now it's on to Abandoned Warehouse Room #3 and the game is Halo 3. It's a free for all and knowing how us gamers have no lives outside of the console, they make it a marathon meaning these guys gotta play Halo all night long. (All night long. All night. All night. All night long. Ooh yeah, all night.) Not only that but they have to remain standing the entire time on pedestals. They can take breaks whenever they want but their Spartan will spawn with or without them, offering free kills to everyone else. Since Swoozie won the last round, he gets a 5 minute advantage and can shoot, punch and teabag to his heart's content while the other guys have to sit by and watch it happen. The other 3 join in and it's on. So they get to midnight and Karen from The Office brings pizza and cookies. Swoozie takes advantage of the break and the others take advantage of his body...in game, of course.

2:00AM brings Karen from The Office holding a rope. I assume there's naked girls on the end of the rope to tempt our all male contestants further but instead it's a safe with $1,000, first one there gets it. Jamal takes the chance of losing kills and runs after the safe. Mark also makes a run but it turns out that he just needed a pee pee break.

Here's my question: why haven't they been playing the games like this all along? This episode was much more interesting than previous ones with the "Real Life" challenges...

All told, they play Halo 3 for 9 hours. Pretty impressive actually and quite entertaining to watch. In first place: Rob which was not a surprise to me in the least. So Rob is off to the finale, blinding contacts and all. As for last place and the next gamer to fall victim to The Gaunlet (dun dun DUN!)??? SWOOZIE! What the what?!?! Come on now, this has to be a joke! Stupid pizza break...

So now we're down to, as Dante would put it, Jughead and Floppy Farm Boy. (*sigh* I miss Dante's nicknames so much...) But they can't both stay so Jimmy Fallon and Karen from The Office tell them that the person going to the finale with Rob...will be none other than...

....

To Be Continued...

"Boom, roasted!"

I Miss Itagaki

Well, I got to play about 5 minutes of Halo 3 co-op with RuFfNeCk before ICandee Jr woke up (it would have been 15 minutes but he wanted to watch the opening cinematic, I just wanted to kill things).

Later that night, for some strange reason...nostalgia maybe, I was in the mood for Dead or Alive 4 sparring. Sometimes I'm in the mood to kick someone's butt while they're just standing there. :P So far I've unlocked system voices for Leifang, Hitomi and Christie (there would be more but hey, I stink at throws). Ya, DOA4 is as old as the gaming hills but it still looks glossy and gorgeous and it reminds me of a simpler time like learning new cuss words via Alpha-152 and KO'ing friends with repeated punches to the face...

Good times...

Even Gamer Girls Get The Blues

This week on WCG Ultimate Gamer, the game was NBA Live 09 and all the gamers tried to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

What? Huh? Sorry about that, must have nodded off in my total boredom and disinterest. (Let's see how many time I can use the word "boring" this week boys and girls!) After Jamal's teabaggin' defeat of Dante last week, his "nanny nanny boo boo" return to the loft was surprising anti-climatic. Boo! However, one of SciFi's confusing habits to advertise the show while I'm watching the show reoccurred and this time they proudly proclaimed, "One gamer challenges a basketball legend to one on one. You won't want to miss this." Whatever SciFi...My only hope is that the "legend" is Meadowlark Lemon come out of retirement and the "one on one" includes regulation ladders and chairs.

Meanwhile, on another episode of "As The Gamer Turns", Jamal proclaims, "I am the best gamer in the house". (As long as Rob's playing back up I'm assuming) and Ciji, still basking in her now Dante-free environment, gushes, "I hope that's the end of the drama". *cue dramatic foreboding music* and begin tearful emotional screaming match between Mark and Ciji.........NOW! Let me spare you here, Mark is totally denying everything and it's plain that he's used this tactic before because he is so good at it he can make you doubt your own name. What ensues is a screaming match betwixt our two young gamers with Amy valiantly trying to play interference. Ciji cries and storms off with Mark rubbing his hands in glee at his clever use of "Oh yeah, well I'm rubber and you're glue!" *cut to Rob smirking* So this either means that all Ciji is interested in is creating drama OR Mark is a stereotypical asshat that thinks he can do what he wants and deny his way out of it...

So on to the Real Life Challenge where Karen from The Office (looking fabulous as usual, this time dressed in a sleeping bag) announces this week's game and tells them to get dressed in their very own sleeping bags, er, I mean personalize basketball jerseys. Mark is peeing himself in joy of a game that he "is so good" at playing. They're going to have a dunking contest and who are the judges but Spud Webb, Darryl Dawkins and Lisa Leslie! (Look at me acting like I know who these people are, I'm so good!)

So now you know the judges, 3 guesses at to which "basketball legend" gets challenged to a "one on one" by which gamer. You're so smart! After getting a bad score on one of his dunks, Jamal the Jackass challenges Lisa Leslie to one on one because he "can take her anytime in real basketball". Really Jamal? And just why did he zero in on the female legend? I was half hoping she would have as much class as Jamal and take him up on the offer. I was really looking forward to watching them scrape Jamal off the court.

So now I'm bored so long story short, Swoozie is in first place and Jamal is in last place. Back at the loft, they all scurry away to try and become great at NBA Live 09, except for Mark, who tries to help Ciji play better. Rob, who has a habit of saying he's not strong in any game except Halo 3 apparently, goes to Jamal and tells him to make sure to score lower than Rob in the Isolation Challenge, after all Rob save his butt in the Elimination Challenge last week right? And once again Rob's concern is unfounded as it's (unsurprisingly) Ciji in last with Mark in first.

And here Mark makes a strange comment after placing first, "Finally my day has come". Uh...he does remember placing first last week, right? I'd say his day came last week...

Anyhoo, Amy is all in a snit again because she is really convinced with every elimination challenge that the first place person is going to pick her. I can't decide if this is due to her thinking everyone views her as a threat or her fear that all the boys want to get rid of the girls (which I would find funny except for Jamal). So she goes running to Mark pleading her case to not be up against Ciji with Mark essentially saying, "Whatever dude". He does comment that he doesn't think they'll expect what he's going to do. Whatever dude, you better wow me!

Now, in my most humble opinion, if I was Mark I would pick Rob to go against Ciji. It can't be missed on Mark that Rob's running around trying to keep himself in the loft during a week on his "weakest game". In my mind, Rob is big competition so get rid of him when the opportunity arises. Or get rid of Chelsea, she is MEGA b-o-r-i-n-g so get rid of her during an equally boring game, perfect! So just who does Mark pick to go up against Ciji.....hmmmm hmmmm hmmmm?

Himself...

Dude, we've already been through the whole "putting yourself up against the last place" with Swoozie and Geoff. It's been done and it's boring. Not only that but once again we're stuck with an Elimination Challenge with no drama, no excitement and no tension. Fabulous...

After Mark's groundbreaking decision, Jamal decides to become Ciji's "big brother and help her in this time of need". So he grabs a big honking glass of white wine and heads off to try and recreate the training scene from Karate Kid. And then it's time to head off to Samsung Stadium to say goodbye to Ciji.

Ciji arrives in her usual arraignment of face bling, plaid and funky boots and Mark arrives looking like a lumberjack getting ready to go camping. Once again, there's great effort but of course Mark wins. I think even more disgusting than Jamal's teabagging of Dante was Mark's smarmy send off to Ciji, "I don't totally feel like a winner cause I lost a really good friend today". How he said that with such a straight face I'll never know. Ciji did her best to hold her eye rolling back and I was wishing she'd walk straight up to him and kick him in the teabags. I guess that'll teach Ciji to go running her mouth when Mark is trying to get his mac and cheats on!

6 gamers are left and according to next week's promo, we only have 2 episodes left (?!) and next week they're playing everything they've already played...I guess my suggestion of them playing competitive Peggle was ignored.

I'm On The Highway To Rhythm Hell

RuFfNeCk knows my love for all things cute, especially if that cuteness can be translated into a game. Enter Rhythm Heaven for the DS. Tons of little rhythm games with the art style of Katamari, Loco Roco and Wario Ware combined.

Now, I'm by no means an ace at rhythm games. Half the time, I can't even spell "rhythm". But this game is so cute, I had to give it a try! All was well until I realized that either I have ZERO rhythm or this games cheats....I'm going with the latter. :P

So, luckily ICandee Jr has been asleep each time I've played because I definitely had my "gamer mouth" running instead of "mommy mouth". Each game starts with a practice mode and while I killed in practice mode for some reason I was using the stylus like a caveman when it came time for the real thing cause I s-u-c-k-e-d.

Oh well, it's still fun so check it out, especially if you're addicted to all things cute and rhythmic.

Happy Easter everyone! Please send any leftover Peeps my way!

Cheaters, Schemers and Teabaggers Oh My!

If you haven't already read it, you can read my preface for this post here.

Okay, here we go! Halo 3 was the game on last night's WCG Ultimate Gamer. This was an episode I was really looking forward to and you could tell that they took so much more time working on this episode. The Real Life Challenge was more involved, the graphics they used for teams and scoring were much more in line with the game itself and the episode had an overall polish that hasn't been seen in previous episodes.

So the gamers are taken to another abandoned warehouse where Karen from The Office pulls a "Max Headroom" to announce Halo 3 as the game of the week. You could practically see the guys peeing themselves in excitement and they were split into two teams. And lookie here, the "random team generator" once again put all the girls together. How does this happen every time randomly??? Amy, Ciji, Chelsea and Mark on one team and Dante, Rob, Swoozie and Jamal on the other.

The boys of course think they have this challenge in the bag and are promptly beaten senseless by the girls (and Mark). My favorite part of the challenge was Rob's confession of essentially running and gunning or as I like to call it, "The ICandee Method". So the girls win and it's hair braiding, pillow fights and practice kissing all around (because that's what girls do, right Jamal?)

Meanwhile, back at the Loft...

Mark, who has a girlfriend, goes into the bathroom with Ciji. What happens next is God only knows what but Ciji says that Mark kissed her. It's now all awkward between them...moving on...

During the commercial break we were treated to another episode of "Sock Puppet Theater", this time is was Jamal and Dante making out. Their puppets were priceless and their make out session hilarious. I think they should add arts and crafts time to every reality show from now on, those puppets are awesome...

Now back from the break, Ciji almost cries over the whole toilet kiss but holds it back making this the first episode ever with NO CRYING! Woo hoo! Way to go guys! I'm so proud...*sniff*...oh great, now I'm the one crying! Mark never mentioned a thing about the kiss leading me to believe that it either A. didn't happen or more believably B. he's not into kissing and telling (which while admirable doesn't change the fact you kissed someone other than your girlfriend and you're on TV genius!) and was trying the "If I say nothing, no one will hear about it" technique.

Later Jimmy Fallon comes over to have them randomly pick new teams again and I swear, I watched them randomly pick teams and all the girls still ended up on the same team again! Randomly! Seriously, how does that happen!?!?!

But here's the kicker: instead of Mark being surrounded by lovely ladies it was Dante's turn and as soon as he realized what team he was on you could see his face make an "oh sh*t" expression. Priceless... Then Chelsea makes some comment about never playing Halo before...uh, what? You're on a show to pick an Ultimate Gamer and you've never played Halo? Even I've played Halo! This show is starting to make less and less sense to me...

My favorite "Dante-ism" of the episode: after getting on his new team he said the following, "a little bit of doubt has drizzled on my dreams to be the ultimate gamer". Awesome.

So now we're to the Isolation Challenge which was a 4 vs 4 Team Slayer match on the sweetest setup I've seen in a long time. Trash talking abounded and other than Chelsea telling them to suck her whatchimacallit, I love me some good trash talking. Please note I said "good" trash talking...

Ciji decides to take matters into her own controller and purposely throws the match in order to get Dante into last place. More on this in a minute. Her nefarious plan works and Dante ends in last place with Mark being first. Dante asks Mark to put him up against Ciji and so Mark puts Dante up against Jamal in some sort of "tough game love" attempt to stop the bickering madness.

Jimmy Fallon informs them that man does not live by playing Halo alone so he has them each pick one person to go into the Elimination Challenge with them to help them out. Jamal picks Rob and Dante picks Mark. Doubts start to circulate as to whether or not Rob will throw the match to eliminate Jamal as Rob has gotten close to Dante. I never thought for a moment that Rob would actually throw it, he's got his own reputation to maintain and what's the point of helping someone stay that will eventually be your opponent anyway? If the point of the show is to be the best, you don't become the best by throwing games. You play as hard as you can and hope the other guy loses. Period.

Long story short (too late), Dante loses and Jamal was a complete ass during the match. I would love to see him play without Rob covering his backside. Now don't get me wrong, Dante was admittedly somewhat of a douche. I still want to cut that Peter Petrelli emo hair out of his face but look at the previous rankings. The guy has some gaming skills and I, for one, am sad to see him go. He may have still been in the bottom regardless of what Ciji did but I'm sorry he didn't get a chance to find out.

Which brings me to my disappointment mentioned earlier in my Preface post. I remember being a kid and the worst thing my mom could ever say to me was "shame on you". It always made me feel...well, ashamed. So without further ado, please join me in welcoming...

"ICandee's Ultimate Gamer Hall of Shame Shame I Know Your Name"

Shame on Jamal for saying this at the Real Life Challenge: "Girls will have issues, normally girls don't get along together when they're trying to work together". (Said right before his team had their asshats handed to them by the girls, more specifically Amy who won the whole challenge for her team.) Ironically, Jamal says afterward that if they had had Amy on their team instead of Dante, they would have won. Oh brother...

Shame on Mark for kissing Ciji. He seems like a nice enough guy but regardless of the "closeness of the situation" or whatever the excuse, there is no excuse for kissing someone while with someone else. No excuse. I hope his girlfriend kicked him but good.

Shame on Dante for clamming up during the Elimination Challenge once Jamal was ahead. Mark seemed like he was trying to bring him back in the game but Dante looked like he had already checked out.

Shame on Ciji for throwing the Isolation Challenge. Let those that suck go home by natural selection not by design. And not because you don't like them. And the next time some guy comes on to you and you know he already has a girlfriend, promptly punch him in the throat.

And although I adore some good trash talk as much as the next gamer...

The Ultimate Gamer King Douche of the Week Shame gets poured on Jamal for not only acting like a complete ass during the Elimination Challenge but especially for reverting to a 12 year old mouth breathing knuckle dragger and tea bagging Dante during the challenge. Unbelievable and ridiculously uncalled for, especially since Rob made the kill. Dante may be whiny but at least he went out with class.

I really hope the rest of the season isn't as disappointing as this episode was for me. Forget Top 4, here's who I think (and hope) will be in the Top 3: Rob, Amy and Swoozie. Unless of course Amy makes out with Rob then Swoozie, in a jealous rage, refuses to roll the Katamari so Amy is in last place.

Oh wait, they're playing NBA next week right? *sigh* I know gamers that swear by sports games but I have to admit that I think they are B-O-R-I-N-G. Maybe they'll play beer pong for the Real Life Challenge and the winner will get trained by Madden frat boys. Hopefully Jamal (and Mark) will keep it in his pants next week.

************************************************
Whew! What bitterness seeps from my gamer soul today, eh? Thanks to all who reads my weekly entry and don't mind my stupid opinions for jerks. Remember, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will hurt forever! Wait...what?

The Dread Pirate Preface

Whenever anyone says to me, "Let me preface this by saying" I tend to think I'm about to get bad news. Other stomach dropping gems include, "that being said", "be that as it may" and "I need to talk to you about something but can't right now, we'll talk later".

All that to say I'm about to use all three of them right now.

Let me preface this by saying that when WCG Ultimate Gamer was first announced, I was excited. I love seeing other gamers play and I'm on board with anything that shows gaming in a positive light. I started talking about it on the original "ICandee, You Game" and was met with quite a few naysayers and people assuming it was going to tank.

Be that as it may, I was still looking forward to it and tried to encourage people to watch it whenever I could. I was really impressed once the show started because even with SciFi's bumbling attempt to foster drama and Jimmy Fallon's worthless attempts to explain game mechanics in layman's terms for what I'm assuming they think is their huge crowd of non-gaming viewers, it has a good premise, good games and interesting (for the most part) cast members. I've never subscribed to the whole "fat guy in mom's basement" gamer profile and this show did a good job picking a varied group of gamers.

So I looked forward to Tuesday and decided to blog about each episode. Anyone that has followed my blog for a while knows that I never "report news" or straight up "review games". I've always felt that you can get news and reviews anywhere and that those people enjoy doing it, get paid doing it or want to get paid doing it so I say leave them to it. ICandee, You Game is just about a gamer. So in discussing Ultimate Gamer, I didn't want to do a minute by minute rundown of what they were doing. I tried to write about the good stuff, include my opinions and put a humorous spin on the show.

Once I found out that Halo 3 would be making an appearance, I knew that would be a major episode to watch. Let's face it, there's not much to an "ultimate" gamer if you don't know your way around a FPS and that's just the way it is which brings me to my first point: It's becoming more and more obvious that the "ultimate gamer" doesn't exist. No one gamer is good at all game genres. I think a better way to put it would be "Ultimate Racing Gamer", "Ultimate FPS Gamer", "Ultimate Fighting Gamer" etc. But the name, "Really Good All-Around Gamer" isn't quite as catchy is it? But I still have enjoyed the show and always look forward to watching and putting my own chaotic "know-nothing-know-it-all" opinion on it the next day.

I'm smart enough to know that with "reality" TV, comes editing and the producers are always looking for ways to make something out of nothing. But all the "you don't know unless you're in this situation" and "I'm not like that in real life" and "What you didn't see was..." lose their meaning after a while. Let's face it, a douche is a douche is a douche and no amount of editing can make you look more douchy if you weren't just a little douchy to begin with.

That being said, last night's episode was so disappointing to me on so many levels that I've decided to post this preface and think about it some more before writing my thoughts. Last night, I just wanted to rip everyone on the show a new one but didn't write it in the hopes that once I woke up I would be in a better frame of mind and could find the humor in it because I hate posting serious crap here.

But this morning I feel no different so we'll see...

So if you come here every Tuesday because you enjoy reading my humorous slant on the show, I really appreciate it and when I come back to it, hopefully I can figure out how to make last night's moronic display of idiocy funny.

In conclusion, I need to talk to you about something but can't right now, we'll talk later.

National ICandee Plays Games Day

Success!

I was actually able to play some games today and if ICandee Jr didn't burn out RuFfNeCk (or scare the crap out of him), I'm hoping to get back to it later tonight before Ultimate Gamer comes on. So far my gaming day has included:

F.E.A.R. 2 (I was good until they started dropping bodies on me...then I was out!)
Castle Crashers
Guitar Hero World Tour (I rock easy mode!)
Street Fighter IV
3D Ultra Minigolf (this game cheats :P)
Battleship (stupid A.I. Steve)
Braid
Ikaruga

It feels great to be playing again...

"I'm The Best Around! Nothing's Gonna Ever Keep Me Down!"

I love any chance to combine my love of gaming with my love of...well, anything else in my life. A few days ago I noticed a contest running over at Geek Crafts and decided, what the heck...And lookie who is listed first on the winner's list:

ME!

Holy crap, I can't believe it! On top of that, RuFfNeCk has taken pity on this poor gamer who hasn't been able to game and will take charge of ICandee Jr tomorrow so that I, yes yours truly, may play games as long as I want. Oh yeah!

Every Girl Wants A Little Blue Box

All of my life, or at least since I found out about it, I've been angling for RuFfNeCk to get me that infamous little blue box:

What? No, not that little blue box! This little blue box:

Sweet! I would be able to start Animal Crossing for the third time!
Not to mention I could take pictures and do funky stuff to them. I mean, I can already do those things on my computer but still! Pocket size! And since Nintendo did not see fit to take my advice and launch the DSi covered in pink glitter, I'll be satisfied with the blue one I guess.

So RuFfNeCk is off to run the midnight launch and I'm at home trying to figure out how long we can go without eating so I can buy one of these. Is eating really that important?

Cannibals and Sock Puppets

Let me start by saying that for those cast members that have been kind enough to contact me and continue to read my lil ole blog, thank you! I appreciate your feedback and applaud your good humor.

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It was a predictable week on WCG Ultimate Gamer and although the Producers are making a valiant effort to create suspense and facilitate surprise, they really really really suck at it.

So Jamal comes back to the loft and decides to immediately "call a meeting" to tell everyone what a meany-bo-beany Dante is and how he's trying to make alliances. There's intrigue! *gasp* Suspense! *bigger gasp* Tattle Telling! *GASP* So it's the world against Dante with the exception of Robert and Swoozie and let me say this right now, out of all of the gamers (from what I've seen so far) the only two in the house I would care about having on my side is Swoozie and Robert so way to go Dante! And although I was disappointed to see that there was no creative name calling on Dante's part this week, he did speculate that by the end of the week Jamal would "eat someone" so I'm satisfied. Now, on to the Real Life Challenge...

Hint to future cast members of any reality show: whenever they tell you to get ready for a night on the town, always be ready for a challenge. You are never there just to have fun. And so it was when the gamers were taken to a club and instead of drinking themselves stupid or, as Jamal would have it, getting some from the myriad group of nameless female place fillers hanging around, they were put right into their Real Life Challenge by having to dance in front of the crowd while being judged by some schlubs from "So You Think You Can Dance".

The top three dancing gamers had to compete in a...wait for it...DANCE OFF! Oh yeah! So we got the joy of seeing Robert, Swoozie and Jamal dance dance the night away. Swoozie did a little Michael Jackson break dancing, Robert did Ravers around the world proud and Jamal busted his butt trying to do some sort of contortion to impress the judges. So it's Swoozie (Mr. Jackson if you're nasty) in first place, whose prize is a call home.

Hey, remember last week when Dante placed high in the Real Life challenge even though he almost killed innocent people with his car? Well, apparently busting your butt is better than staying on your feet because Jamal placed second over Robert. So by the judges standards:

killing people>killing barrels
busting butt>staying upright

Anyway, no sense crying over spilled Jamal. Quote of the challenge definitely goes to Dante for this little gem, "Asian people can breakdance". Wha?? I know there's a lot of things that Asian people are stereotypically known for, but breakdancing is a new one to me. I'm assuming that Dante is not really Asian then because what he did on stage was not breakdancing. (However, it was broken so maybe that's what he meant)

By this point, Karen from The Office tells our gaming Barishnikovs that this week's game is Dance Dance Revolution Universe 3. *cue Geoff peeing himself* Now around this time, one of SciFi's tickers comes up on screen and it says, "Who will be the top two gamers up for elimination? The answer will shock you. Stay tuned!" WTF? Hey SciFi, you realize I am watching the show right? I promise I'm not going anywhere! What a codependent network this is turning out to be, sheesh. But since you brought it up, I better be dazzled do you hear? DAZZLED!

I have to take a break here and say that so far I'm 20 minutes into this episode and there have been no tears! *commence turning cartwheels* I'm so proud! Finally, no crying in the...What's that? *whispering* Well, son of a...SWOOZIE! Not you too! *sigh* and they were so close...

So now we get to the dirt: Mark, Ciji and Geoff (and later Jamal) discuss Ciji purposely throwing the Isolation Challenge in order to be the one to defeat Geoff since at this point they all know he is going to be in last place. (Except Amy for some reason, who is the only one in the house that thinks she'll be last. And all of my efforts of screaming at the TV "Amy, you're not going home! SciFi keeps showing you playing paintball even though in the opening they try to make us think it's Alyson! You're safe this week and we have lost all suspense thanks to SciFi horrific spoiler filled promos!" did nothing to assuage her fears.)

Now for a break to discuss the quirky...Just where did these people get the materials to make sock puppets?!?! I'm not complaining because I'm all for supporting the arts but they were given new socks, glue and yarn for pete's sake! Geoff seemed displeased with their reindeer games as his puppet was, "nine times larger than everyone else". He then proceeded to turn green and smash the puppets to bits.

This week's Best Quote In The Loft award goes to Jamal who said, "I don't want to be in an elimination challenge again so I'm going to try and win every game". Uh...duh? You do know that that's why you're on the show, right? To win games and be the "Ultimate Gamer"? Let's see, how can I explain this. ... Okay, when two people really love each other...oh forget it! And quick side note, they put Robert on the screen who didn't have his day-glo contacts in and it literally made me jump.

So here we are at the Isolation Challenge and let me spare you the details: Ciji decides not to throw the challenge, Amy sucked and lives to cry about it and Swoozie gets first place so it's up to him who will decide who will send Geoff (big surprise, he's in last) home this week. Now it's interesting to note that while they're waiting on Jimmy Fallon to come in and announce the winners, some sort of finger pointing, "I'm rubber, you're glue" conversation occurs which ends in Amy leaving the room and Mark screaming for Jimmy Fallon to stop the madness.

Meanwhile, back at the loft, Ciji tries to convince Swoozie to put her up against Geoff, presumably because she wants to make up for not throwing the challenge by putting Geoff out of his misery gently. What she didn't realize was that Dante is the one that likes Elimination advice from the ladies, not Swoozie. So just who does Swoozie pick to go up against Geoff?

Why Swoozie himself! Karen from The Office looks shocked at this decision and proclaims that Swoozie is taking a big risk. Yeah right! Let's face it, with the exception of the Kelly vs. Amy Street Fighter round, none of these Elimination Challenges have been suspenseful or a surprise. SciFi, again valiantly, tries to create a "OMG, who will win" moment with their old stand by: making it look like the underdog has improved so much overnight by practicing that they actually have a chance to leave the stadium victorious. Again I say, nice try Lao Che! And what's up with Karen from The Office not owning a pair of pants? I would love to see what is surely the "Library of Mini Dresses" at her house.

Geoff does his best but in the end it's no surprise that Swoozie is on his way back to the loft. In some ways, it's not bothering me that the elimination challenges are ending up this way. The title of the show is, "Ultimate Gamer" not "Good At One Type Of Game Gamer".

Here are my predictions:

My current picks for Final Four: Swoozie, Robert, Dante or Jamal and Amy (this is assuming Amy gets her groove back next week and Dante isn't killed in his sleep).

Chelsea is running under my radar, I still have no idea what to think of Mark, Jamal probably poked bee hives with sticks when he was a kid and I'm hoping to see some blood thirst from Ciji. I'm with Swoozie: it's time to think of this as a competition, not time to braid each others hair and swear eternal friendship...

GAME OVER!