Tears, Floppy Farm Boys and The Longest Blog Post Ever

Wow, who knew gamers had so much drama (or cried so darn much for that matter)? Kleenex is sure to be in the black this fiscal year. Last night's episode of WCG Ultimate Gamer was definitely a step up from the first episode. We had King Kong, Floppy Farm Boys and tears by the barrel full!

This week's game was Virtua Fighter 5 and I won't bore you with all of the challenge details and what nots. After all, this blog doesn't specialize in the news you can get anywhere, right? So let's sum up the boring stuff and get to what we all came here for: drama, drama, drama. (Ironically the one thing I didn't think this show could produce, real or manufactured.)

So the Real Life Challenge was to play a sort of "Name That Tune" of board breaking. (When they showed up at this abandoned looking warehouse, I was hoping the challenge would be Abandoned Warehouse Dancing a la Kevin Bacon in "Footloose".) Karen from The Office states that the teams were "randomly selected" which I'm sure is true but apparently the "random" machine "randomly" put Robert, Kelly, Amy and Alyson on the same team (this time adding in Ciji and Dante) again. Since their fantastic defeat with Rock Band 2, one can only hope they fare better as a team this week...

Damn you irony!

They fail, Red Team wins (Swoozie, Mark, Jamal, Geoff and Chelsea). So now Amy, Robert, Alyson, Ciji, Kelly and Dante are in last place meaning that if they don't pull a rabbit out of their hats during the Isolation Challenge, they're screwed.

Three best things about this challenge:

1. Geoff and "King Kong" are used in the same sentence. (I'd think of him more like a Hulk myself)
2. Dante calls Mark a "Floppy Farm Boy" (I had to rewind this twice to make sure, it's that funny)
3. When Dante lost he cried and cried and cried thus bringing my prediction from last week to life that he would cry more than Ciji who, also on the losing team, did not cry. (That we saw anyway) Hey, remember the first season of Heroes when Peter had his emo hair that was always hanging in his face? It made me want to take scissors to it while he was sleeping...I'm really hoping someone in that loft has scissors...

It's when we get back to the loft that we get to the good stuff.

The best part of the whole scene is this: remember last week when I said that "Mark and Jamal are boring"? Well, my stars...hello Jamal! It must have been his big goofy grin that threw me off track last week because he was more than content to put his happy face in the box under his bed and put on his meanie face because he was right there jabbing Dante into an inferno (I know, too easy). And just who was yelling his own comments from the peanut gallery? Why, Mark, there you are!

Somehow Amy gets dragged into all this so Dante, being accused of talking about others behind their back and convinced that alliances are being formed to take him (and knowledge of alien existence) down, starts the whole, "She talks too much!" to be shortly followed by the "I never said she said she talks to much...I said a lot!" Dude, you are being recorded on C-A-M-E-R-A, they have photographic evidence of when you take a potty break for pete's sake. And just who (according to Dante's newspaper clippings on the wall) is the mastermind behind this nefarious plot to destroy him?? Why, it's Ciji! Who apparently is threatened by Dante because the only game she plays is Guitar Hero. Dante is one crazy whine short of taking his ball and going home. Uh...Ciji, you have a crush on this guy....really? *shudder*

Whew...so before we go on to the Isolation Challenge, a quick word about Robert. In regards to the game being Virtua Fighter 5 he says, "not my type of game". Nice try Lao Che! We fell for that last week with Rock Band, remember? When you crapped all over the first two challenges and then wailed on JD at the Elimination Challenge? Well, not this time! (Although he takes 8th place at the Isolation Challenge so maybe he was right...oh whoops! *spoiler alert* he takes 8th...oh whatever) He also sported a new contact this week, a fancy one! Let's see, he's already got the sideways hat, piercings and Marilyn Manson contacts. I'm not sure how much more "style" I can take from this one before my retinas burn out of my skull.

Moving on...

Isolation Challenge, let me spare you the details: Kelly ends up in last place with Dante (no!) being in first. So Dante will choose who Kelly goes up against in the elimination challenge. dun dun DUN! Now it's time for hushed secret squirrel talks back at the loft...shhhhhhh...

Dante pairs up with Kelly, promising to train her and find out from her who she thinks she should be up against. Dante is clearly gunning for Ciji due to her getting on his nerves. Kelly, however brings Amy into the mix because supposedly Amy has been "sneaking by" in the competition so far. Um...listen sweetie, when you're also in the bottom, Amy ain't the only one that's been "sneaking by" so far. (especially when her rank is 7-10 and yours is 11-11) So of course, Dante listens to the pretty lady and picks Amy, who has also been getting on his nerves. Both Dante and Kelly are figuring it would be an easy victory. Too bad they didn't see the promos for the show that clearly show Amy playing paintball and Ciji playing DDR in future episodes (thanks SciFi for keeping the suspense alive) or they might have picked someone else.

In the end, it's down to Kelly and Amy (and Karen from The Office in another mini dress). It was a very close match but I'm not sure if that means they were both kicking butt or both sucking equally. Amy comes out victorious and Kelly is left to throw Geoff's hat around and say a tearful farewell to him via the camera. "Smiles!"

Another episode down and prizes to win! Remember, you're playing for a Rock Band hat and Street Fighter IV Costume Pack. Leave a comment on this post (not the answer!) and then e-mail me your answer to icandee360 at gmail dot com. First one wins. Here's your question, hope you were playing attention:

"Geoff, being picked MVP at the Real Life Challenge won a training session with the current US WCG Virtua Fighter 5 Champion, Adnan Rana and during the session, SciFi blazes a huge promo for one of their other shows that covers half the screen and half of Rana's face. What show were they promoting (that's apparently more important to showcase than the show currently...uh, showing)?"

Good luck! Here's where we are with WCG Ultimate Gamer and where I think we're going:

-Amy kept a pretty cool head during the Dante-Jamal-Mark-Ciji debate so I'm revising my previous statement of her from last week. I still say she'll make it to the top 4 but with more tears than fights.
-Robert brought more contacts with him than shirts
-Geoff SMASH! (and will cry when he sees Amy walk through the door next week)
-Speaking of crying, only 6 people have not cried since the show started (and we're only two episodes in!): Mark, Jamal, Robert, Alyson, Chelsea, JD and I say at least 2 of those listed will fall off the stoic wagon before the season is over.
-Watch out for Jamal, he's a sneaky one...I predict he will make Dante cry at least once more before Dante goes home.
-I hope Dante knows his game because he will be put up against last placers until they get rid of him.

That's it, I can type no more! Join me next week for another episode of As The World Turns...wait, I mean WCG Ultimate Gamer!

*dramatic look at camera* and...

GAME OVER!