Wednesday, March 11, 2009

And The Contacts Shall Lead Them...

Well well well, here we are, one episode down on SciFi's newest science fiction...uh, I mean newest show: WCG Ultimate Gamer.

Overall the show isn't too bad. So here's the deal:

12 gamers are picked to live in a loft to find out what it's like when people stop being polite and start getting...wait, that's The Real World. Sorry! Anyway, we've got 12 gamers of various what-nots. Every week they are given a different game and it's that weekly game that make up the 3 challenges-a "Real Life" Challenge, an "Isolation" Challenge and finally, an "Elimination" Challenge where one gamer is sent home. Your illustrious hosts and contestants:

"Hi, I'm Karen from The Office and this is my co-host Jimmy Fallon"

Adande, Gamertag "Swoozie"

Kelly, Gamertag "MrsViolence"

"My contacts will burn a hole in your soul"
Robert, Gamertag "Prod1gy X"

Ciji, Gamertag "StarSlay3r"

Jamal, Gamertag "Zophar321"

chelsea, Gamertag "Delicate (<3)"

Mark, Gamertag "mMmapplesauce"

Amy, Gamertag "Athena"
(Also known as Valkryie, one of Ubisoft's Frag Dolls)

Geoff, Gamertag "INcontrol"

JD, Gamertag "KosherHamm"

Alyson, Gamertag "Nin9tyNin9"
(She will be made to be the dumb sexy blonde, mark my words)

Dante, Gamertag "DevilsAlastar"
(a game tester, he is the only non pro on the show)

Apparently Ciji knows Dante and has a crush on him (which made her cry to talk about it). So the Real Life Challenge for this week was to break up into 3 "bands". They then had to learn to play "New Kid in School" by the Donnas. (and the judges were...yup, The Donnas). The first place band won Ion drum sets and someone on the last place team would be up for elimination...sort of. (Cue tears from Ciji as she waits for the results) Long story short, the last place band was "Pandora Rox" made up of Amy, Alyson, Kelly and Robert. Alyson is a former Frag Doll (which is funny because her Frag Doll status is used on her profile at even though she's no longer on the team), Amy is a current Frag Doll (which is funny because her being a FD isn't even mentioned and she's using her PMS gamertag for the show) and Kelly is a member of the Frag Doll community. (Robert was just there to blind the audience with his ludicrous contacts)

Their loss had to be due to Alyson, who had no clue what the lyrics were (not that the others in the group were much better) and that brings me to a very important point: they all had back up bands playing "with" them! If the challenge is to see if you can play guitar in "real life", where's the realism if you have professional guitarists and drummers playing for them? Plus, half the time these people weren't even attempting to fake playing...Fail! Here's my theory: the producers realized that none of these people were going to be able to actually play their instruments and finally said, "Screw it, get musicians up there with them, no one's going to watch this show anyway".

Then comes the Isolation Challenge. Everyone's moved around into 3 new bands. They then go into the Matrix and play Rock Band 2 against each other to Lent's "My Own Worst Enemy". They're scored on a group total as well as their individual totals. The person with the last place score is up for elimination. And just who has the last place score? Our fabulous Robert of the Blinding Contacts.

Geez, this is a long entry...*deep breath*

So here's where the show got interesting. The person in first place gets to pick the person that will go head to head with the last place person. One of those gamers will get the boot, woo hoo! And just who is in first place? Why, Robert's friend Swoozie! Hmmmm, let the strategy begin...

Now Robert is a pretty solid gamer (even though he dropped a deuce on the first 2 challenges) so the smart thing to do would be to put Robert up against Ciji since she's one of the best Rock Band/Guitar Hero players around (even though she placed 5th in the Isolation Challenge). That way, Robert (big threat) would get the boot early, right? Well, never say that gamers don't have a heart (because apparently it's brains they don't have) because "Swoozie" chooses to "help his friend" Robert and put him up against JD, the one gamer there who is an expert in Sports games (read-plays Madden with his drunk Frat brothers) and who S-U-C-K-S at rhythm games.

I have to admit though that JD gives it the ole college try and at first stays neck and neck with Robert during the Elimination Challenge (song: Offspring's "Come Out and Play"). It's about 30 seconds into the challenge that they stop showing the scores because Robert is running circles around JD. Needless to say, JD is gone and Robert is safe for another week.

So if you're keeping score, here's where we're at so far and where I'm predicting we're going:

JD was eliminated
Ciji cries at everything
Alyson has a bad memory, fantastic boobs that defy gravity (I must know what kind of bras she buys!) and will be eliminated by episode 5
Robert has freaky douchy contacts
Chelsea looks like Jami Gertz
Mark and Jamal are boring
Dante will end up crying more that Ciji will before he's eliminated by episode 5
Geoff and Kelly are enjoying light flirtation that will come to nothing
Amy will get into a fight (at least yelling) and will end up in the top 4 at least

And there you have it! If you've made it this far, I salute you! Make sure to check by because I will be covering every episode.

As Karen from The Office told JD *dramatic look directly at camera* GAME OVER


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. I missed the 1st show but you summed it up pretty good, time to catch episode 2

  3. Nice blog :] Hopefully Jamal and I liven it up a little more for you next ep haha. Hope you keep up with the blogs every episode, Jamal is reposting them all we love reading them <3


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