Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Crybabies, Jughead and Attempted Murder

Remember when last week I predicted that Geoff would cry when it was Amy, not Kelly, that walked through the door? Told you so! Although I'm not sure if he was crying because Kelly went home or because his lucky hat was gone...

This week's game was PGR4 and seeing as how I met my husband playing PGR3 I was excited to see what this week had in store. What I wasn't prepared for was MORE frickin' tears. For pete's sake, there's more crying on this show than all seasons of The Bachelor combined. Anyway, Karen from The Office informs our weepy eyed gamers that they will pair up, take on real cars and see which team has the best drift. Some famous driving guy comes in to judge and...they're off!

Way off in my opinion...

Here are the pairings:

Mark and Ciji, who both nailed it
Alyson and Robert, who has never driven in his life thanks to NYC
Chelsea and Swoozie, I can't decide if I like Swoozie or not
Amy and Jamal, more on Jamal later
and last but not least: Geoff and Dante Petrelli (please someone cut that front hang-y emo hair off!)

Long story short, Dante, the "expert" at racing is sure he will be top dog and instead ends up almost killing the camera crew. Chelsea ends up driving to Alaska instead of keeping on course (I think she took off because she was afraid they would charge her for the barrel she annihilated) and apparently Swoozie threatened retribution if she failed because she couldn't keep her scared rabbit eyes off of him as Karen from The Office and that racing judge guy were telling her how much she sucked. Amy/Jamal did well, Ciji/Mark did better and Alyson/Robert did about as well as was expected seeing how Robert has never driven and Alyson apparently just learned.

First place: Ciji and Mark, I was happy about their win, they deserved it. Now before I say who took last place, let me just say: it had to be between Swoozie/Chelsea and Dante/Geoff. First of all, Chelsea didn't even run the course and took out a barrel and second, Dante ALMOST KILLED PEOPLE. My logic is sound, yes? Except that apparently those barrels get paid more than the crew because it's Swoozie/Chelsea in LAST and Geoff/Dante end up being SECOND. Wha????? Amy/Jamal end up 3rd and Alyson/Robert are 4th. FAIL! FAIL! FAIL!

So they get back to the loft and Swoozie says some sort of ego driven blah blah blah "Count me out when I pack my bags and leave and don't come back". Uh, thanks for the instructions, we're planning on it, chet. And then Alyson (who has never played PGR4 before) says something peculiar, "I don't think they really have any idea how good I am" (referring to Halo 3 and shooters in general). Hmmm, see that's all well and good but you know you have to play PGR4 this week, right? The game you've never played before? But that's okay, I'm sure you'll do well! *cue sad music*

Now before we get to the Isolation Challenge, a little dueling was going on in the loft. Jamal started slapping Dante Petrelli with his metaphorical glove and challenging him to a Virtua Fighter Face Off! *gasp* I have to stop here to say that if there's one reason I don't want Dante to get his "GAME OVER" it's this: Remember last week when he called Mark a "Floppy Farm Boy"? Well this week he called Jamal "Jughead". Awesome! The man does have a way with name calling, admit it! So anyway, the whole VF5 show down was actually close with Jamal winning the last round. Jamal....hmmmm...

You know, I don't read that many comics but I know enough to know the difference between a villain and a super villain. See, Dante is a villain but not one that could take over the world. He's more the type that has the potential to be evil but generally ends up dropping the girl as he's flying away to take her to his secret lair or having to turn around because he realized he forgot his laser gun. Jamal on the other hand...the jury's still out for me on Jamal. First I thought he was boring, then I thought I liked him. Now I'm thinking he's the worst kind of super villain. The kind that smiles while he's taking jabs at you. (like Frodo's character in "Sin City") The kind you never see coming...Well, except that he can't stop trash talking so if he'd shut the heck up you wouldn't see him coming. As it stands right now, you have plenty of time to make a run for it, you can hear him coming a mile away...

In other news on a gaming show that has nothing to do with gaming, the producers apparently needed a new romantic angle with Kelly gone and Geoff bemoaning his lost reality TV love and lucky hat, we turn to Mark and Ciji to heat things up! (Much better choice than Dante, Ciji!) Unfortunately Mark has a girlfriend so I'm not sure where the producers will turn next.

By the way, they're using the wheel instead of the controller to play this week's game. I feel it for them because I hate using the wheel myself, gotta have that controller! Here we are at the Isolation Challenge and after Jimmy Fallon puts the fear of God in them, we end up with Dante in first place (again) and Alyson in last place. Let me save you the suspense. Once again, Dante talks to pretty lady (this time it's Chelsea) and he picks Jamal to go up against Alyson. Well crap, there goes Alyson!

Even though they go through the motions of showing everyone on Alyson's side and her giving it her best, let's face it, she's never played the game and Jamal came in 4th in the Isolation Challenge. (My choice to go against Alyson would have been Geoff, I like seeing equally skilled players against each other.) I'm not sure what Dante was thinking but apparently he just wanted to keep Jamal around for some warped reason of his own. Although they made it look like a close Elimination race between Jamal and Alyson, they covered Alyson's time with her picture and at that point, the suspense went bye bye and so did Alyson.

I have to say, I hated this pairing, I really wanted Alyson to continue. I was interested in seeing her in her element with FPS. I'm on the fence with Jamal now. He seems like a pretty okay guy but the trash talk is getting tiresome. Then again, gaming is nothing without trash talk so what do I know? Oh well, Jamal's off to the Loft and Dante better hope he's not the next one duct taped to a bed. (Teach you to drink wine Jamal! Wait, what are you doing drinking wine anyway)

Here's my predictions for next week as the gamers "Dance Dance" their way to Reality TV obscurity:

-I still say Amy will make it to the Top 4
-If Geoff does well and does not end up in the bottom next week, I'll be surprised
-Jamal will trash talk his way to my naughty list
-I'm hoping next week's episode will help me decide if I like Swoozie. He's kind of a douche but then wears a "The Cake Is A Lie" shirt. I'm conflicted!
-I'm going on a limb here and will predict that only ONE person will cry next week. Please let it be only one!
-Contacts or no, I've decided that Robert's okay and I'm saying he'll join Amy in the Top 4

One last thought: in the history of reality TV hosts, 2 hosts almost never make it to the second season and this show needs 2 hosts even less. Karen from The Office or Jimmy Fallon, get ready for your very own "GAME OVER"!

1 comment:

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